You guys are too much fun! I've
really enjoyed watching the Gwendolyn's story progress. It was just what I needed to get me out of my doldrums. By the way, thank you for everyone who let me know that I'm not as boring as I think that I am. :-)
As promised, here's the full story (complete with an ending that I wrote). I'm not completely sure if I'll be online this weekend. My sister is flying in Saturday night so that we can go to Stitches together on Sunday. Our hotel room supposedly has a network connection, so with any luck I'll be able to update while we're hanging out. If not, I'll make up for it by actually knitting!
[Edited to add: Sandy added to the story, but I must have been updating my blog when she did it and so her addition got missed. Sorry about that Sandy! This was so much fun that I may have to do another story in the near future, so be sure to keep those creative juices flowing.]
Ok, here's the story. Enjoy!
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess, in a beautiful castle, in a beautiful kingdom. Her name was Gwendolyn and she appeared to have everything her heart desired. Lots of money, closets full of clothes, a shiny carriage, and hair and skin any other princess in the surrounding kingdoms would kill for. But alas, as with any other princess in a substandard fairy tale, our Gwendolyn was unhappy. She thought and thought and thought about what she could do to bring happiness into her life. Finally, an idea struck her! She decided she would... knit! Yes, the beautiful Gwendolyn knew that a beautiful princess like herself need not knit, because after all - that is what servents were for. But she longed to do something interesting, and fun, and wild.
She started thumbing through her kindgom's yellow pages for a local yarn store. She found the typical chains - JoAnns, Michael, but they just wouldn't do. She needed a store that would assist a princess in need, a store where the owners would not just recognize her beauty but help her pick out yarns to match, a store where the owners were nice - even to a princess like herself. After hours and hours of searching (it's a big kingdom you know) she came upon Rapunzal's yarn store "Throw me a braid"... She fired up her horses and went off in her shiny carriage to the store... but... just when she thought she was going in the right direction.... she noticed a strip mall with both Michaels AND JoAnns! She decided to stop, "just to look", she explained to her trusty steed.
Once inside the first store, she became confused with all of the plastic flowers, scrapbooking paraphenalia, buttons, zippers, patterns, frames, more plastic flowers, and row after row of bolts of material.
Beginning to swoon in princess-like style, a concerned employee, bedazzled by her beauty, proudly led her to the yarn section, way in the back, hidden from the general public.
And this is what she saw... 3 hanks o' Fun Fur in Hot Pink and 8 skeins of Red Heart Acylic an Puce (think green here). The Fun Fur excited her but she thought to herself "I'm sure this is not all there is. There must be other yarn."
She turned to look at the needles and accessories and was taken aback by the abundance of garish plastic knitting needles. Upon closer inspection, she noticed they were all US15s.
Not wanting to offend the kind employee, afterall she is a princess with impeccable manners, she "remembered" that her carriage was double-parked and left the store.
Somewhat shaken, the princess... reached into her silk brocade bag and pulled out her Patternworks catalog. How beautiful the yarns in the catalog were, so varied in color and texture, fiber and weight. She knew she had to get to Rapunzel's before they closed at 3 pm, as it was Saturday. Damn and blast those shortened weekend hours. The princess told the driver that he was not to stop until she was at the door of Throw Me A Braid. They rode for what seemed like ages, until she saw it, in the distance, glistening like...a beautiful ball of golden silk.
Trembling in anticipation, Gwendolyn stepped through the doorway and gasped, a flutter in her heart, as she beheld the riches before her. Silk, wool, alpaca, cashmere . . . even microfiber! . . . all arrayed in aisles of glorious color, as far as the eye can see (Vertically, that is, since this is Rapunzel's shop.) A voice wafted down, "Let me know if you need any help."
Gwendolyn looked up, up, up and saw . . .gleaming at her from the distance the most beautiful pink cashmere she had ever seen. She had nothing made out of such fine and lovely yarn and decided on the spot that this was the yarn she needed for her first project - yarn fit for a princess. She called up to the voice from above that she indeed needed assistance and began to wander the shop.
After a few minutes she felt a light tap on her shoulder and turned...to see the Jolly Green Giant handing her the pink cashmere. She noticed his multidirectional scarf made from Kureyon and his very attractive Koigu socks in the most interesting shades of orange. When she asked him why his knitted items weren't green, she was shocked to hear him say...because I am a fashionista! Those Queer Guys for the Straight Guy taught me that colors that "pop" will help bring out the rosey tones in my green skin. This pink cashmere is divine and will make a gorgeous Clapotis that will bring out the rosey tones in your skin. You'll need some needles for your project. Do you prefer straights or circulars? The lovely Gwendolyn requested some Latern Moon needles, a box of jeweled stitch markers, and an exquisite yarn cutter pendant as well.
The Jolly Green Giant wrapped her order in some golden paper and said...ho, ho, ho, come on home with the Jolly Green Giant! No, that's what she thought she heard. What she really heard was... "can I help you with anything else?" Gwendolyn just knew that her new passion, knitting, would be even more complete by enjoying it with someone else. Gwendolyn responded by saying "Sure. You can come back to my castle and knit the days away with me." The Jolly Green Giant, who might be a knitter with a flair for style, was also as straight as green giants come. So he agreed and they lived happily ever after.